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A real live human operator always asks the question and waits for a real live answer. This measure has the potential to not just improve my account security but add entertainment value as well:
Q: Do you know why I think you're so sexy?
A: Probably because you're totally in love with me.
Q: Need any weed? Grass? Kind bud? Shrooms?
A: No thanks hippie, I'd just like to do some banking.
Q: The Penis shoots Seeds, and makes new Life to poison the Earth with a plague of men.
A: Go forth, and kill. Zardoz has spoken.
Q: What the hell is your fucking problem, sir?
A: This is completely inappropriate and I'd like to speak to your supervisor.
Q: I've been embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars from my employer, and I don't care who knows it.
A: It's a good thing they're recording this call, because I'm going to have to report you.
Q: Are you really who you say you are?
A: No, I am a Russian identity thief.
Q: For the remainder of this conversation, "How can I help you today?" actually means "Would you like to buy some mescaline?" Do you understand?
A: I understand completely.
Update: Schneier picked this up. Woot.
Update 2: This post got a brief mention on John Hargrave has fun at VISA's expense, a hilarious story in itself.
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2010-04-22 11:20 pm UTC
A: I like where this is going. Tell me more.
2010-04-22 11:22 pm UTC
A: Line Secured. Authorization Alpha Tango One. Proceed.
2010-04-30 11:48 pm UTC
2010-04-22 11:24 pm UTC
A: Fuck yes I am. Let's fucking do this.
2010-04-23 12:05 am UTC
I wonder if they'd actually say "god damn banking" or if they would get too flustered to speak.
2010-04-23 12:13 am UTC
2010-05-03 06:09 pm UTC
2010-04-23 02:36 am UTC
2010-04-23 07:15 pm UTC
2010-04-23 12:48 am UTC
2010-04-23 01:06 am UTC
2010-04-23 01:39 am UTC
(Heart Zardoz. Heart heart heart John Alderton.)
2010-05-01 01:40 am UTC
2010-04-23 04:31 am UTC
On a side note, I think I have met your biophysics doppleganger. His name is Mike and his kung-fu is strong.
2010-04-23 04:42 am UTC
A: Okay, you're still my online bank.
2010-04-23 12:12 pm UTC
A: I need to see a photo. But if youre asking, the answer is probably Yes.
Q: Do you have any idea how much I hate reading from this fucking script for $7.60 an hour?
A: I am SHOCKED.
2010-05-03 06:11 pm UTC
A: No, your ass makes your ass look fat.
2010-04-23 01:16 pm UTC
A. The Marquis de Sade. No, really, look it up.
Q. Why do fools fall in love?
A. Hormones, beer and low standards.
Q. Where have all the good times gone?
A. My pants.
Q. Why does it burn when I pee?
A. You're using too much torque.
Q. For whom does the bell toll?
A. Ask not, for it tolls for thee.
Q. Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks?
A. Shaft. Damn right.
Anonymous
2010-05-01 07:01 pm UTC
2010-04-23 05:37 pm UTC
tubes, series of
Q: I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why?A: Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially.
2010-04-23 07:49 pm UTC
2010-04-24 04:26 pm UTC
Anonymous
2010-04-30 04:32 am UTC
Recursive Loop
Q: Do you know the answer to your secret question?A: I'm sorry, I'm having trouble hearing you. Can you repeat that?
Anonymous
2010-04-30 01:37 pm UTC
Re: Recursive Loop
As seen in "signé furax" :Q: Do you know the password ?
A: No.
Anonymous
2010-04-30 12:48 pm UTC
'nother few
Q: Who sells sea shells on the sea shore? A: She sells sea shells on the sea shore. Q: Who's my daddy? A: I'm your daddy. Now let me in.Anonymous
2010-04-30 01:35 pm UTC
Verify
Q: Can you verify your signature for me?A: Sure it's
-----BEGIN PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK-----
Version: SKS 1.0.10
mQGiBD/DlJwRBADQkinF1hPgFO3+P1fkGGiUwd3H
gYG22Fca+loG0CAfouUxhEu3jTzFl7albvxRFWE0
4A7Khwd9h2fBZQZoAJpPXbdOHfFproPAQMjM9HQt
/iX5+oOyrv6gN13Q/BDwTlVjzSf+qAAvmdHNwKx7
8J/nR2pMiYlOJstnzr8cEs8Ca+KwuakuQhoorqXb
LHNPY7Mp2VgjB+N/Kho4tWIhibtcBACPnbNVeymr
HXAkdLFJXuf/cX6OXYSxI22O35T2H4brmnkJnq1Q
nVwTgf2nMi0EIW2RgVPiJbKYCqhcg62NY9N6UwlF
SGFydCA8YmJoYXJ0QGJiaGFydC5jb20+iFgEEBEC
AAAACgkQNRFwUFqCo6P5ygCbBob2HTKyIZbb8ZEw
BI6rL+ieuQMNBD/DlJwQDADMHXdXJDhK4sTw6I4T
+/bBc8SDESYrQ2DD4+jWCv2hKCYLrqmus2UPogBT
0ne2Qi0CNsEmy2henXyYCQqNfi3t5F159dSST5sY
+VMROU+28W65Szgg2gGnVqMU6Y9AVfPQB8bLQ6mU
Tz09jdvOmeFXklnN/biudE/F/Ha8g8VHMGHOfMlm/x
WCvl9Ij9WE5J280gtJ3kkQc2azNsOA1FHQ98iLMc
/XwXV0OjHRhs3jMhLLUq/zzhsSlAGBGNfISnCnLW
ZqRdQZ+cfL2JSyIZJrqrol7DVelMMm8AAgIL/i7C
00VYskYfow8CwCTrlpErz48/NdaiKixZC9aAbPR4
YkP8XVugXBlm99vwrlXaRc65UKjrpMnBaxNpLftl
RAPg7G/j5bcgoqd3if9l3b+fmSmCT2jf/f0k+3xW
s2rB3G0UXqzDM27JxZM2SDPPnRQSrVToQs+mxeMO
N6yoz3u3maYMlO2Dm4fcokfmStfrXqzF8YNBcEAj
BvDsDoqRHguFMr+CfYCqqo6b/w2sgg7Kdx3GJZ3e
VcXMlXfmRZAhTgh9DFJfGErL94r7vBdJmbAu2jxN
AAoJEDURcFBagqOjD3cAn1n/IyC17srMWwtCGZIX
oUp6gA==
=GqI/
-----END PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK-----, I think.
2010-05-02 03:31 am UTC
Re: Verify
You win.2010-04-30 02:14 pm UTC
2010-04-30 02:47 pm UTC
2010-04-30 02:48 pm UTC
2010-04-30 03:08 pm UTC
2010-04-30 03:35 pm UTC
2010-04-30 03:35 pm UTC
2010-05-02 06:41 am UTC
2010-04-30 03:13 pm UTC
A: -1000
2010-04-30 03:25 pm UTC
A: -I stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
2010-04-30 03:36 pm UTC
A: Que?
Substitute whatever language you like, obviously.
Anonymous
2010-04-30 04:12 pm UTC
security question and answer
Q: Your Sex please?A: Not right now im too god damn busy
2010-04-30 04:19 pm UTC
here via schneier
Q: You can do it, put your back into it.A: I can do it, put your ass into it.
Q: And you chased it, right? You ran and ran, finally caught up to it and you picked it up. But it wasn't a hat anymore and it changed into something else, something wonderful.
A: No, it stayed a hat, and no, I didn't chase it. Nothing more foolish than a man chasing his hat.
Q: You know Charlie Walser? Has the place east of Sanderson? Well you know how they used to slaughter beeves, hit 'em with a maul right here to stun 'em... and then up and slit their throats?
A: Well here Charlie has one trussed up and all set to drain him and the beef comes to. It starts thrashing around, six hundred pounds of very pissed-off livestock if you'll pardon me... Charlie grabs his gun there to shoot the damn thing in the head but what with the swingin' and twistin' it's a glance-shot and ricochets around and comes back hits Charlie in the shoulder. You go see Charlie, he still can't reach up with his right hand for his hat... Point bein', even in the contest between man and steer the issue is not certain.
Q: Wanna know how I got these scars?
A: My father was... a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that. Not-one-bit. So - me watching - he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it! Turns to me, and he says, "why so serious, son?" Comes at me with the knife... "Why so serious?" He sticks the blade in my mouth... "Let's put a smile on that face!"
2010-04-30 04:34 pm UTC
A: I thought we already covered this?
Q: What's the third word on the fifth page of the Manual?
A: Threepwood
Q: Who are Yelena and Channon?
A: My filthy assistants.
2010-05-06 05:29 pm UTC
and the obscure reference award goes to...
Hurray for Spider Robinson!2010-05-06 11:58 pm UTC
2010-04-30 04:39 pm UTC
They ask about relatives (I don't have any of the ones they ask about). They ask about children (don't have any) they ask about my spouse (don't have one).
They even asked about sports or school awards (don't have any of those either).
Nor do I have any pets.
2010-04-30 04:50 pm UTC
Q: Whats the name of your first child?
A: Ham sandwich.
2010-05-01 05:12 am UTC
2010-05-01 08:26 pm UTC
2010-05-02 09:41 pm UTC
2010-05-07 12:00 am UTC
2010-04-30 04:43 pm UTC
Q: Are you classified as human?
A: Negative. I am a meat popsicle.
2010-05-07 12:00 am UTC
multipass?
Anonymous
2010-04-30 05:48 pm UTC
A: "New England Clam Chowder"
Q: Is that the red, or the white?
A: Dammit I can never remember that!... white?
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